HER STORY: KNOW HER A BIT MORE

I am one among those people who create their own storms and then get mad when it rains. My mouth never had any filter unlike my face (Snapchat filters you see). One thing is for sure, that I am constantly evolving. I am not the one I used to be yesterday. I am an updated version today. At times, I feel I am the worst person ever and sometimes the flawless person that no one’s allowed to touch. As I soon blow another candle and get my bum into 24, I thought I would write something about these past 23 years. Fears, vulnerabilities, regrets, desires (all those expecting gross: Better luck next time), vengeance and finally love. If you are thinking “Evadiki upayogam?”, please leave the page as you are a wise person born to figure out the Bermuda Triangle mystery. Others, you are a sweetheart! Now let’s start. 

1. I am running in the number game

As far as I remember, I always wanted to top everything. God knows where I got this attitude from, but no.1 is my dream and desire. I am always running in a rat race. In my head, I believe now I stopped rushing towards it.

2. I am the angry bird

I never understood when to take the sarcasm/jokes on me lightheartedly and when to burst out. I always took things personally and jumped into the worst possible conclusions. Till school, I rarely laughed and most of the time maintained a bossy or angry look on my face. (School peeps never knew about my dimple). But trust me, I am sweet. Just kidding! I may not be one now but I bet I am getting there.

3. Impulse and I are twin sisters

If you think I am one of those people who look into all the corners of a situation and then take a decision, then you couldn’t be more wrong. I most of the time act out of impulse and take decisions. My temper rises as steadily as temperature in summers. I say awful things and by the time I realize my mistake, damage is already done.

4. Love and I can never go hand in hand

I am fortunate enough to find someone who loved me despite knowing all my flaws. He’s my bliss. Most of my nights, I dwell into the past to take a look at my most beautiful love story. The warmth I felt in the love made me wonder if this is how heavens would look. Later, love happened again but this time it showed me how the hell would look like. I always messed up. Never really knew how to make interesting and flirty conversations (I never felt the need and interest to do one before) and entice the person. Now I assume, the latter one would dwell into the past and laugh at how clingy and stupid loser I am.

5. I am Vulnerable too

Don’t judge a book by its cover. I may look like a strong headed, arrogant and a self obsessed woman. But truly, I am not. Love for my people makes me vulnerable. Self respect is like my blood. Can you imagine I compromised on it many times just to make someone understand me? Can you imagine this level headed woman receiving NO as an answer? This would shatter her. Doesn’t it? The lesson I learned is never put your efforts in a wrong direction. You will get nothing in return. Just some hatred and some eye rolling.

6. I am an attention seeker

Let’s spill the beans. I truly am an attention seeker. I sulk if I don’t get the attention that I want. I derive my happiness from this. I get pissed off if I am ignored. Thousand people giving me their whole attention equals zero if the people/person whose attention I am craving for isn’t. I am learning to give myself my whole attention so that I am not longing for it anymore.

7. Dreams and Desires

I find solace in writing. I would one day write a book and publish it. The genre is definitely humor. My book should make the readers jump off their seat, roll on the floor and laugh. Laugh is a sacred thing. When the love pours over me, I write. I write about the person and their minutiae that matters to me. You will only find the place in my book if I do place YOU before ME.

8. Vengeance

I am a karma believer. Everything you do, comes back to you. I used to feel the urge to see the people who hurt me dooming. I think now I learnt how to forgive people and sympathize with their malfunctioning brains. I am sorry to all those whose peace I have taken away or disturbed.

Finally, with all the lessons I have learnt in my early 20’s, I want my mid and late 20’s to be more peaceful, more giving and less worrying. I’m sorry for all the immature things I have done in the past, some of which might have hurt you. I rarely apologize, but when I do I mean it. A big hug to all those people who succumbed to this mess but never gave up. I am an evolving person. Truly.