AVOIDABLE MILLENNIAL PROBLEMS

AVOIDABLE MILLENNIAL PROBLEMS

To all the folks wondering what the hell is “Millennial” , Millennial is a term used to refer a person from the generation of mid 1990’s to early 2000’s. This is the generation that’s succumbing to thousands of problems (created/assumed/virtual let’s get there later) , yet moving around with so much swag. Let’s talk about these problems and find some really chic ways to deal them and be a dope millennial.

1.       Alzheimer’s should be in the genes

Today 11 AM: I am busy scrolling my FB feed and I get to see a post of a friend that’s posing with four other people. She writes ‘#Hapines #cushions”. I turn my phone and head in 250 different angles just to find out where the hell are bloody cushions in the post. Just then, some 40 something aunt writes a comment on the post stating “Best cousins ever you are”. Ohhhhh! I see. That’s cousins, not cushions.

Tip: Unlearn what you have learned till now and forget all the spellings to be a better millennial. #PlsFolowMe

2.       Chant the ‘F’ word 1208 times a day

If you want to stay on the same page with rest of your contemporaries you must use the ‘F’ word incessantly. Whatever may be the place, you must use it. For example if you can’t find your pen in the exam hall:

Others: Where is my pen?

You: Where the f**k is my f**king pen?

Tip: Chant the F word for 604 times in the morning and 604 times in the evening. Your chance of being a dope millennial exponentially grows if you sit under a Banana tree and chant.

3.       PDA  is too cool for school

PDA stands for Public Display of Affection. When home, even if you and bae drown your heads in to your phones and not care about each other’s presence it’s okay. But when you are in public, you must walk hand-in-hand, hug, kiss, cuddle and let the people know that you are a steamy hot couple.

Tip: Post some intimate pictures on Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat and WhatsApp. (Please post only HD pictures as some of us will screenshot them for future purposes. TIA.)

4.       Get offended in seconds and update status on Whatsapp

If you call a person twice and the person doesn’t pick your call up, it means 1. You are useless 2. You are unlovable 3. You aren’t important to them 4. You are purposely avoided

(The reason for not picking up your call could be anything(phone is in silent mode, in bathroom, in meeting) but you must get offended)

Take your phone and post few status updates on whatsapp saying:

1.       Thngs change, frnds leave. I sleep to escape frm realty.

2.       Sumtimes its not the ppl who change, its mask dat falls off

        Tip: For more quotes like this, please logon to www.iamaloneandsad.net

5.       Don’t stay at home and most importantly don’t eat at home

It’s so uncool to stay at home and eat home cooked food. Why don’t you go on a road trip with your gang (You shouldn’t know anything about each other, you are just gang) and have some fun? Meet up with your school and college friends in fancy restaurants and click some good pictures of yours and the food most importantly. Birthday parties every now and then are always there right?

Tip: You should either sit on any member of your gang or hug while posing for a group picture so that you can use #gangswag #Mymains

6.       Show off your riches

Got an iPhone? Please flaunt it in mirror selfies. Got a sexy girlfriend? Please flaunt her. Got a rich boyfriend that has just got you a CK Eau De Parfum for you? Please flaunt it. What is life for if you are not creating envy in others?

Tip: Flaunt your body too but for that first you will have to use visual effects, graphics and some body and face editing apps.

7.       Please read a book “How to a become a celebrity overnight”

Please follow the steps as mentioned:

1.       Set your instagram account to public

2.       Install TikTok/Dubsmash

3.       You can sing/act/dance or simply wink and post it on Instagram

4.       TADAAAA! You are a celebrity now

Tip: Tag 120 people and put 60 hashtags to gain limelight soon

After making all the above mentioned 7 lifestyle changes, you will be able to see results in just 257 days. For better results, buy “Learn  millennial lingo in just 30 days” book by author “S.A” at just Rs.39999/- only.

PS: Why say regards when you can say “Hugs&Kisses”? Millennial trait bro!